Saturday, May 20, 2006


I do try and keep the pottymouth stuff off here. I can and do use base language at times and I can also be quite creative with my oathing if called upon to be. Of course, if I make it too coarse, google will stop me putting adverts on the site and I'll never be able to become rich otherwise. I really am trying so please, use your imagination to fill in the spaces below:

To the ____ing _____ ____ ____who drove his car into mine while I was in Morrisons an hour ago without leaving a note to at least apologise. You're a ____. If I could find them to remove them, I wouldn't even feed your testicles to the dog. I hope you get caught by every speed camera in Cheshire doing 1 mph over the limit.I hope your dog gets fleas and that you're allergic to them and that they make you sterile. I wish the satnav in that the pile of _____ ____ you drive around in and call a car steers you repeatedly down dead ends and into rivers and that your Bluetooth headset explodes when you try and call the AA out. When you're surfing those hobbysites tonight I wish that you will see pictures of your parents dogging. Just as you get to the vinegar strokes. Am I upset? So would you be if it meant that the last week's work has been for nothing.

In short, I hate you. You're a _____ and _____ and a ____.



14 Vegetable peelings:

Blogger Frontier Editor said...

My faher being a retired sailor, I had absolutely no problem filling in the blanks.

7:08 am  
Blogger Mark Gamon said...

Perfectly appropriate language. Did you happen to get his numberplate? If you did, I can recommend the following reprisal.

1/ Purchase a small box of tiny nails and a tube of superglue.

2/ Sneak up to his car when it's parked and no-one's looking.

3/ Insert nails patiently into the car's locks.

4/ Top up with superglue until tube is empty.

I know someone who did this to a fellow motorist who'd abused him in a car park. As an act of revenge, I can guarantee its effectiveness.

12:46 pm  
Blogger Richard Seamon said...

No I didn't see him otherwise some sort of revenge would definitely have been in order. There was a huge VW Tuareg or whatever they're called parked next to me that wasn't there when I arrived. I couldn't prove it but he was the right height and all that. I wish I'd let his tyres down now, just because.

1:23 pm  
Blogger Pamela said...

I filled in the blanks while reading your post in my head and now I need to go wash my brain out with soap.

7:05 pm  
Blogger Frontier Editor said...

Non-destructive but thoroughly disconcerting and difficult to remove - smear the wiper blades with Vaseline. The persistent opacity is just amazing.

11:42 pm  
Blogger Carmenzta said...

People, people... You are bringing bad karma on yourselves with all this revenge talk.
Too bad you have no idea who did this because you could also pour sand into the gas tank... he he he.

2:17 pm  
Blogger tom909 said...

For once I am in agreement with Carmentza. Richard you are indeed the lucky one in this situation for you have not sinneth. Mind you, if you had caught the ****** you would have, so sadly you have notched up a bit of a tally on the old karmic scoresheet, but obviously not as much as if you had actually punched his lights out.
PS. I don't believe in Karma.

4:04 pm  
Blogger Richard Seamon said...

Or you could argue that I am receiving payment in kind for my previous ill-manered work. In which case the account has cleared so I am now free to put one on account for my reincarnation to deal with with.

4:10 pm  
Blogger tom909 said...

Absolutely Richard. I was bought up a catholic and I always felt it was quite a good deal to say a few Hail Mary's and an Our Father, and get a clean slate in return. Talk about a licence to run riot eh!

6:18 pm  
Blogger Carmenzta said...

Tom, I was "bought up" a catholic too.

Hey, what the hell, we are all coming back as tree frogs in the next life anyway...

9:06 pm  
Blogger krusty the baker said...

You could ask Morrisons for the CCTV tape they probably have of the carpark so that they can video your every thought as you arrive to indulge in retailtainment.

Then you can pour a jamjar of stale urine on the doorhandles of the offending vehicle. (The quiet satisfaction of this particular vengeance has to be experienced to be believed, as you will now know they are an ignorant ****.)

9:08 pm  
Blogger Richard Seamon said...

No no no, Krusty. As with all large organisations that invite you to use their premises, they abrogate all responsiblity for you once you pass out through their doorway. They want you to buy loads but they want you to walk it home because the bus stop is miles away. Customers park at their own risk. No CCTV.

9:31 pm  
Blogger Sharon J said...

Now now, dearest. Calm down or you'll burst a blood vessel and I'd hate to think what kind of mess that might make of the new duvet cover.

'Tis nowt but a car.

10:09 pm  
Blogger said...

You shouldn't pour sand in the petrol tank.

Sugar is far better at clogging up carburettors. And it makes a horrible mess of injection systems.

12:37 pm  

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