Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Can you spare me 5 minutes of your time?

I am a very great fan of all those interesting quizzes one finds on the Facebook. They are, to a man, insightful and revealing and I have learnt so much about myself and my online friends through completing them and viewing the results of others. Freud and Jung must be spitting feathers over how easy psychoanalysis has become. Fun for all, eh! Anyway, while not wishing to belittle the prodigious amount of work and effort the compilers obviously put into devising these tests, I spent ten minutes knocking one together yesterday evening so would like to run it past one or two of you before I unleash it and allow it to take the world's premier social networking hub by storm. I have taken the liberty of running it through a new Firefox add-on, "Facebook-o-fix" in order that you don't have no probs readin it. Here here!

Men - How do you Slice You're Toast?!!?

Did you know that the way you slice you're toast can tell evryone about you? Do my quick quiz and find out if you can really cut it!!!LOL!

1) Square quartered

Your outwardly solid and dependable. You aer careful with you money and make lots of provisions for you and your family for when your made redundent. You like family holidays and have a dog. You have a shed concealing a large collection of vintage Danish porn. Job = C.I.D.

2) Diagonal quartered

Youre over-sensitive with some inpenetreable depths. You have a few CD's of George Butterworth and Vaughan Williams English pastoral music to assuage your guilt at your huge collection of Norwegian Death Metal. You secretely fear foreigners and would really like to be a vegetrian. Job = Local goverment compliance unit.

3) Half diagonal

As a teenager you had a crush on your best mates' mum. You spent a year in therapyin your 20s but your OK now you think as long as you don't forget your lithium. You keep a picture of K.T Tunstall in your wallet which you pass off as your girlfriend although your probably gay anyway. Like video games and UFO's. Job = Freelance journo for gadget mags.

4) Half square

No flies on you! You sale through life without a care. You outwardly don't give a toss about money and you fear no-one and nothing. But your actually crap at everything and should of gone to university straight away instead of deferring and then getting married. And divorced. Job = What job?

5) I just cut it without thinking

You really love the sound of your own voice and can clear a poub in minutes. Your annoyingly good at DIY and everyone you help out you call your mate. But they only ever call you as a last resort even though they know you got a heart of gold really. You always wash your car every Sunday morning even if its' raining and you like cats. Once went on holiday to Phuket and had embarrassing altercation with a ladyboy. Job = Local councillor

6) I don't cut it.

You think ribbed condoms are dead sophisticated although the last time you used one you put it on inside out and had a alergic reaction to the lubricant. You like long bike rides at the weekend and have all the gear but have always had trouble doing right-hand bends and get a lot of gravel burns taht you like to show off. You drink far too much Red bull and are developing twiches. You have the kind of face that attracts attention from the police. Job = Web designer

There you go. Any tweaks?

4 Vegetable peelings:

Blogger Dave said...

Well, it was spot on for me (half square, as it happens). I can't speak for anyone else.

6:18 pm  
Blogger Vicus Scurra said...

I am a married man. I have not sliced my toast for over a quarter of a century.

11:50 pm  
Blogger Morton Shadow said...

I eat muesli, usually Richard.


(Probably explains all the cross dressing and the collection of carefully laddered and torn Danish goth girls covered in fake blood I keep tied up with garden twine in the shed...)


w.v: bentsue (Well, you can't have everything, can you?)

12:42 pm  
Blogger Rog said...

Ideal for lolling around!

12:58 pm  

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