Friday, July 09, 2010

A Mug's Game

I do apologise for not updating this journal recently, I have been very, very busy up here in the Pearl of the North-West. So busy in fact, that I have, on occasion, had to sit down and have a rest and watch the football. Or the tennis. Or the cricket highlights. And the motor racing. Unlike some, I have to make my own tea and meals so at least I have been exercising and still present a trim fifteen and a half stone. I suspect I will have to give the television back soon because it's not mine. I plan to do this after the golf and the rest of the cricket.

Anyway. There doesn't appear to be much else going on in the world at the moment. There's a man running around shooting people and threatening the law enforcement agencies in the north-east of the country prompting the locals to live in fear because a lot more men with guns, the fugitive's original avowed targets, remember, are now flooding their neighbourhood, escorting schoolchildren and old ladies collecting their pensions etc. thereby making them in turn targets. Rothbury is now sending a twinning committee to Sangin.

Elsewhere, I have been investing for my future. I have been enlisting the help of Maureen, the clairvoyant spider currently living in the corner of the ceiling above my front door. For the past fortnight I have been offering her a choice of specially labelled flies and this morning I dropped into Ladbrookes with my piggy bank and the following list:

Stephen Hawking to win Open Golf Championship.
Her Majesty The Queen to ride next year's Grand National winner.
Wayne Rooney to be Home Secretary next year
Guernsey to launch manned mission to Mars by 2015
Vince Cable and Cheryl Cole to marry

They refused to offer me odds for Crewe Alex finishing in the top half of League 2 next season. They said they didn't want to give betting a bad name.

Toodle Pip!

9 Vegetable peelings:

Blogger Dave said...

Glad to see there's still some culture up there.

4:32 pm  
Blogger Andy said...

Nothing about Charlton being in the champions league withing 3 years?

8:23 am  
Blogger Richard said...

Dave, where? I didn't put any in on purpose.

Andy, I mis-read that as Championship.

2:34 pm  
Blogger Vicus Scurra said...

He's a wag, that Dave, innit?
Culture in Crewe.

11:03 am  
Blogger Tim Footman said...

So what happened to that bloke shooting people? You never hear about him any more, do you?

I expect he'll turn up on Emmerdale, like Pasty Kensit did.

11:10 am  
Blogger Richard said...

The same as happened to Maureen the Clairvoyant Spider. Shortly after I wrote that, she disappeared.

2:33 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

For a small fee will Maureen answer a few of my questions?

8:49 pm  
Blogger Richard said...

Claire, I refer you to my previous comment. She may well return.

10:54 am  
Blogger The Birdwatcher said...

Culture in Crewe? On stale bread maybe. Its like saying summer in Buxton. Its a theoretical concept that is never realised in practise.

12:27 am  

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