An Introduction to Teenager Etiquette Part 1.

I know I know, I should be slightly more tolerant and live and let live but sometimes things need to be said. This one’s for all those out there currently teetering around one third of my age and should be borne in mind for future reference.

It’s minus three outside and I’m curled up under the duvet because I’d been up ‘til the early hours working. This was after I’d been out late at a meeting and then picking you up from your college excursion at 11.30pm and delivering you safely home (OK, I forgot where I was to pick you up but nobody told me. I’m older than you, I make mistakes). I politely asked you to turn your music down at 1.15 am and reminded you that you traditionally have difficulty getting up on Wednesdays for some reason and that wouldn’t it be a good idea to get to bed especially as you were up late the night before. I even got up very early to turn the heating on so you’d have a nice warm house to walk around in as you got ready for college. So, when you wake me at 8.32 am and ask whether you can have a lift in to college “because it’s cold” (because teenage fashion dictates you can’t buy practical clothes?), knowing that I find it very difficult to say no, the correct form of address is not “Richard, can I have a lift in to college?” It’s “Richard, could I possibly have a lift into college please? I’ll have a cup of tea made for you by the time you get up. 2 sugars?”