Tuesday, July 18, 2006

What on earth next?

There has been a rush (5) of visitors to my door today seeking information on "Jose Mourinho haircut". I sincerely hope that they have been all tremendously disappointed as I can guarantee there is absolutely nothing there about the cheating (he's Portuguese isn't he?) bugger's greasy mane. I have had the television and wireless off most of the day so pardon me if I missed any breaking news.

27 Vegetable peelings:

Blogger Pamela said...

Hmmm.... Odd.

Who is this person?

1:50 am  
Blogger Vicus Scurra said...

Pamela, this is Richard. He is very nice. He lives with (and promises to make an honest person of) my 5th cousin once removed. Is there anything else I can tell you?

5:24 am  
Blogger Who is this Dave? said...

He's my wicket keeper.

6:41 am  
Blogger Richard Seamon said...

Quick, she's coming round. Nurse, more morphine for the lady.

9:16 am  
Blogger MJ said...

The headline in today's Mirror is:

JOSE LOSES HIS HAIR.. AND HIS MEMORY

You need never pick up a tabloid as you have me here to do it for you.

12:18 pm  
Blogger Geoff said...

Jose 'Samson' Mourinho.

Or 'Kenny' for short.

12:55 pm  
Blogger Mark Gamon said...

Pamela - you don't want to know. He makes women weak at the knees...

2:29 pm  
Blogger Betty said...

Mark - who, Richard or Jose?

Is Jose Mourinho going bald or has he shaved his head? I've not seen the pictures, but he seems to cut his hair very short at the start of a season and he lets it grows longer towards the end of the season, as if part of some religious ritual.

Or perhaps he has got nits ...

3:42 pm  
Blogger MJ said...

Blogger won't let me put the permalink but click on the "Horror Hair" link below and look for the Horror Hair story if it's not still at the top of the page.

Horror Hair

4:25 pm  
Blogger Dyna Girl said...

Knock knock.

7:01 pm  
Blogger Richard Seamon said...

Who's there?


Yes, I saw a picture of him in the Daily Express. He was also moaning that his players are all tired after the World Cup. I can think of four who've had a little more time to recover than Makalele and Gallas. Stop whingeing, you make Alex Ferguson look an amateur.

9:25 pm  
Blogger tom909 said...

He's not so bloody handsome now is he? He is actually a bit of a git too. I'm not sure I'd go as far as playing the portuguese/cheat card though - but the whingeing - do you know, if I was a Chelsea supporter I'd have jumped ship after last season's performance.

10:26 pm  
Blogger Richard Seamon said...

I have corrected the hitherto unseen (and unseemly) spelling mistake. I dare say there are others but none as appalling as that one. Thank you Tom.

11:05 pm  
Blogger Mark Gamon said...

Tom - don't be silly. True supporters NEVER jump ship. If it had been all about attitude I'd have switched to Barcelona years ago. But Chelsea is my team I'm stuck with them through thick and thin keep right on to the end of the road even the bad times are good etc. Besides, they're currently WINNING, so your point about last season's performance was what exactly?

I doubt I'd like Mourinho if I met him face to face, and he has started wingeing a bit lately, but then they all do it given the chance and being likeable isn't really in the football manager's job description, is it?

That bloke at Liverpool (sorry, forgot his name) seems pleasant enough though I'm not sure I'd want to take a pint with him. David O'Leary beats Mourinho into a cocked hat when it comes to whingeing and complaining. Big Sam's all bluff and gruff and northern and 1950s. Arsene Whiner sorry Wenger has done so much whingeing his nose turned red. And Alex Ferguson is of course the Caledonian Antichrist and appears to be a thoroughly nasty person (I'm sure he's kind to his nearest and dearest though).

I think I'd quite like Martin Jol. But you never can tell.

9:53 am  
Blogger tom909 said...

Mark, I knew you'd read this and have to disagree. Fair do's, jumping ship is not an option for you, I can understand that. Agree about Jol - he seems a jolly decent chap. I like Psycho too. Benitez is an ok bloke as well. Can't think of any others in the premiership, oh yeh, Steve Coppell, he's a good egg isn't he?

5:36 pm  
Blogger Pamela said...

Yes Vicus, there is a lot more you can tell me.

I'll need your bank account numbers and your celll phone number as well. Oh, and the codes and passwords you have for every thing.

12:07 am  
Blogger orange said...

So the special one has committed a hideous act and received a special haircut, and the new crop cut of the Portuguese man-of-war serves to emphasize the exquisite debonairness that eludes from this generations football managing monarch.Examining this wizards chic attire,his candour,his profound intelligence,a man with a tongue forged from eloquence, and his undisputed handsome features, to the rather malign,discourteous,Scotch ravaged bugled has-been figure with the laborious and deliberately deceiving trademark drivel of "I did not see Ronaldo dive,feign injury,the referee got it wrong and Wayne Looney tunes is light years ahead of anyone his age in the queue for maturity", is almost like comparing a cherub angel to Apollyon.
Cheatstano Beelzebub Ronaldo, the rightly proclaimed winkerman, should be fresh as a daisy for the upcoming season because for all of last years' efforts, and his shameful antics in Germany shall never be forgotten, were spent basking in the sunlight every Saturday afternoon on his backside by the touchline, with a look of disdain across his face, one hand clutching his calf, the other hand gesturing furiously towards the officials because they were not conned by the vile tricks of a charlatan. Then old Chivas Regal nose himself will convey to the hordes of United fans of Jersey descent and those that hail from Deal, and to the millions of expectant public that "it's all part of the beautiful game".
The Theatre of broken Dreams has always been a realm for corruption, just take a peep at the Glazier money-go-round circus Family. Malcolm Glazier, the loan reprobate, the man that owns pretty much every Manchester United fan, the man with highly questionable motives for running a football club, is closely resembling the indubitable fiend, Murdoch. A Red Devil should be more concerned about their own backyard than what goes on royally at Chelsea.
This comes as no surprise to the rest of civilised society, the prawn sandwich brigade have a history of psychiatric disorder.
Eric Cantona is a prime example with his performing of the Korean martial art of Tae Kwon-Do upon innocent spectators. Then for the encore, the Grand Master General acted out a performance that any dojo would have been impressed with, the incoherent and nonsensensical rambling about fish.you what Eric?sardines.Sorry Eric?trawlers.sea.Yes ok we'll leave it there Eric. when asked about his impersonation of an insane Bruce Lee.
Brian Clough summed up this fallen footballer with, "I'd have cut his balls off".
Compare Cantona to the refined and graceful Gianfranco Zola and you'll find the true respected and gifted legend, an ever smiling character, and a gentleman of football.

7:57 pm  
Blogger Richard Seamon said...

I thought it would bring you out. Tell you the truth Ossie, I couldn't name you half the United side from last year. Players should be forced to stay with a club for 5 years minimum, unless retiring, like it or lump it. Maybe then the sides would start to show some kind of identity, the way they used to have instead of players just going to where the money was best and creating these dreadful homogenised teams. You can't say that money buys loyalty, the whole transfer system stinks rotten.

8:13 pm  
Blogger Richard Seamon said...

And yes, Zola was a class act, I agree. I did like Cantona's arrogance though and say what you like, he's a loyal red.

8:16 pm  
Blogger orange said...

Cantona the ultimate sin, once a loyal Leeds man.

12:21 pm  
Blogger orange said...

Your assumption of bringing me out by writing your thesis was a marvellous demonstration of your mental agility, an unerring strategy, of which, I irrefutably was the intended recipient.
Undoubtedly you have observed my veneration for the back-to-back champions but lack of competence in restraint when the reputation of Chelsea Football Club is challenged.
A game involving a round ball is about as serious as asphalted fungi and open to mockery.
Gode aefen, Auf Wiedersehen

1:28 pm  
Blogger Sharon J said...

Why the obsession with men who play with balls, guys? I'm sure Freud would have had something interesting to say about this.

7:03 pm  
Blogger Richard Seamon said...

He'd probably just blame our parents.

Ossie, yes, your presence was a notable highlight of this thread and your Chelsea radar is obviously working well but it wasn't the prime reason for posting. I really didn't realise yer man had had tonsorial surgery of the most abrupt kind. When are you going to write a blog? C'mon...c'mon!

7:09 pm  
Blogger Mark Gamon said...

Ossie - couldn't agree more about Zola but please let's get a grip here.

All together now:

IT'S ONLY A GAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

10:28 am  
Blogger orange said...

Mark- with respect,
Please read my last comment before this, the last lines, and you should be able to understand my standing on the game.

10:21 am  
Blogger orange said...

Richard, I have no idea or inclination to create a blog and besides who would have the curiosity to read the ramblings of a being that cannot even grasp such games as othello or skat.
I place my faith in the primordial diary and graphite.
The saviour of football indeed received strict tonsorial surgery,quite unique, don't you feel? Did you not realise that the special one's incus was forged and manipulated upon by the very same smithy?

6:28 pm  
Blogger orange said...

Richard, as you wrote earlier that you could not name the players, so here's some assistance for yourself with ManUre players, I know you will be comforted from the definite knowledge you will have aquired and will ever be indebted to my priceless wisdom.

The Winkerman= 12.5M GBP
Carrick= 18.6 GBP,v
Van der Sar= 5M GBP
Rio= 30M GBP
Heinze= 7M GBP
Silvestre= £4M
Ji Sung Park= £4.5M
Wayne Looney-Tunes= £25M
Saha= £13M
Smith= £7M
Veron= £28.1M
Keane= £4M
Patrice Evra and Vidic= £12.5m
Djemba-djemba -£4.5M
Kleberson £7M
Forlan £7.5M
Cole £6M Yorke; £12.5M
Stam £11M
Barthez £8M
Bellion: £2M
Ruud Van Nistelrooy: £19M

Somewhere in the region of £243 Million GBP spent, this makes Roman Ambramovich seem like a pauper again. All of ManUre's dominance during the nineties was bought.

11:09 am  

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