As if by magic, a congratulatory email has crashed into my inbox from the National Lottery. This is the National Lottery which now has its headquarters at 1a, Bexon Court Carlton Nottingham shire NG4 1SQ Essex United Kingdom. Yes, Nottingham shire in Essex. To my readers in the United of States, that is roughly the equivalent of saying Denver, Colo rado, Alaska.
The email tells me I have won 820,000 US dollars on the National Lottery. No, I am not suspicious at all, I trust everyone. Apparently the National Lottery had a prize fund of 110,000,000 US dollars to give away. No wonder the jackpots have been getting smaller over the years, they've been saving it all up to give away to people who haven't bought tickets! How charitable. And US dollars being at such a favourable exchange rate as well.
Because I am in the UK, apparently my winnings are dealt with by the National Lottery's African agent. This would appear to be more convenient for the National Lottery based in Nottingham shire, Essex. The African agent's name is Peter Martins. He has an email address too. The National Lottery has now equipped all of its agents with a yahoo email account, for convenience no doubt. Anyway, it's firstname.lastname@example.org. He has a telephone number too. (+233) 244-577 443.
I am sending Mr Martins the following email:
Dear Mr Martins. Many thanks for informing me of my win on the National Lottery. I am so glad, this will solve a lot of problems for me. Please, I am not really interested in claiming the whole amount because of the dollar/stirling exchange rate. However, I have taken the liberty of informing several of my friends, a Mr Egg, Mr Mint, Mr K. Fit and Mr F. Direct that you will be paying them a cash amount in order to clear the outstanding accounts I have with them and that they can now "call the boys off" (just our little joke, lols!). As these accounts amount to no more than say, $40,000 in total, you will be quids in, enabling you to make a sizeable charitable donation. I have passed on your details to my friends, I suspect you shall be hearing from them presently to arrange payments.
Many thanks for your generous award,
Made my day that has.