What I want from Santa

Above all else, amid all the strife of modern living, the constant stream of bad news from around the world, the spectre of a fearsome never-ending debt, a shit job, dealing with foreign call centres, global warming, boredom, depression, things that don't work very well, BSkyB and any other modern day plague you can think of, the gift that would make all these things easier to bear would be the singular ability to eat a tremendous amount of Maynards Wine Gums without going into sugar shock, my teeth dissolving or wanting to walk on the ceiling. Simple pleasures. Actually there is something else but let's not get too sentimental.

Whatever you chose to celebrate at this time of year, may it be happy and peaceful.