I have an outlook on life that, despite what may appear on here from time to time, could be termed romantic. I am also far too trusting for my own good. Consequently I've allowed myself to be taken advantage of rather too often than is comfortable. Regularly for the last 5 or so years, just when I thought that this thing called life was taking a turn for the better following a huge blip it's turned round and mugged me and whereas before I was able to cope, I'm repeatedly finding myself unable to and this frustrates me. People I should be able to trust have let me down, often for no reason. I'm expected to understand yet I'm not allowed to be hurt because then I become too depressing to be around, thus apparently perpetuating the problem. Other people's lies have just made it worse. I step back to try and make things better but it doesn't work. I try and seek help to make things better but I can't do it on my own because the problems, at the end of the day, aren't all mine although my increasing paranoia and all the arguments have come together to make me feel they are. I want to heal the wound because life would be pretty good and a lot of fun if I could but I don't know how to on my own. I can't get any momentum going at all. Sensible people would just walk away and have done with it but I've tried that twice and each time it almost ended in tragedy. Besides, I really don't want to. Really I don't.
I'm sorry about that. I'm just fed up with shouting at walls.
Btw, if any of you have my old email address, it doesn't work any more. Try operator073 at yahoo dot co dot uk