Sunday, November 09, 2008

Crap.

I'm not sure you'll be seeing much on here for a while, I really don't feel up to writing.

I have an outlook on life that, despite what may appear on here from time to time, could be termed romantic. I am also far too trusting for my own good. Consequently I've allowed myself to be taken advantage of rather too often than is comfortable. Regularly for the last 5 or so years, just when I thought that this thing called life was taking a turn for the better following a huge blip it's turned round and mugged me and whereas before I was able to cope, I'm repeatedly finding myself unable to and this frustrates me. People I should be able to trust have let me down, often for no reason. I'm expected to understand yet I'm not allowed to be hurt because then I become too depressing to be around, thus apparently perpetuating the problem. Other people's lies have just made it worse. I step back to try and make things better but it doesn't work. I try and seek help to make things better but I can't do it on my own because the problems, at the end of the day, aren't all mine although my increasing paranoia and all the arguments have come together to make me feel they are. I want to heal the wound because life would be pretty good and a lot of fun if I could but I don't know how to on my own. I can't get any momentum going at all. Sensible people would just walk away and have done with it but I've tried that twice and each time it almost ended in tragedy. Besides, I really don't want to. Really I don't.

I'm sorry about that. I'm just fed up with shouting at walls.

Btw, if any of you have my old email address, it doesn't work any more. Try operator073 at yahoo dot co dot uk

7 Vegetable peelings:

Blogger tom909 said...

Richard, I don't know what your situation is, and I sympathise with you over it not going your way. I have a way of dealing with this kind of stuff - hang in there cos life ebbs and flows.
I don't necesarily mean this particular situation will come round to your way, but other stuff will happen.
Good Luck and blog when you feel like it.

8:57 am  
Blogger Tennessee Jed said...

I resemble your remarks Richard.

1:07 am  
Blogger The Birdwatcher said...

look after yourself and take care.

10:43 pm  
Blogger Dave said...

Sorry mate. There will always be a place for you at BMCC.

8:05 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sadly there is always more than one side to a story and this sotry has to be one of the saddest ever. Trust is the most important part of any relationship and if this has been destroyed for whatever reason then things are often not able to be repaired. So move on dear friend move on. Find your own way forward and be yourself not what or who another person thought you should be. chronic illness is a difficult one for many and in your case this might be the cause of the situation maybe......maybe not but who cares about you.............. you need to care about you and you alone for now and ensure the best for yourself.

10:13 am  
Anonymous Aled said...

Richard, I've just discovered your blog after your comment on Scary Duck about my Countdown clip. Glad it made you smile!
Sorry to hear about your concerns. I hate to say, but I've been there many a time. As sure as God made little apples, it will happen again. People, even friends will let you down. Easy for me to say, but try to look 'over' it. It's always worked for me. I find that the old advice, 'try to make at least two people smile today' works. I find smiling contagious.
If you want a chat, just email me! aledlhughesataoldotcom I have Skype, so calls are free.

5:36 am  
Blogger The Wrath of Dawn said...

Aw, dude. Sorry to hear you're feeling this way. Hope the situation improves.

Take care and come back when you can.

5:25 pm  

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