Thursday, January 22, 2009

Award Season

Time for me to get on the award bandwagon. Bring out your onions.

George Bush Complete and Utter Tosser and Waste of Space of the Year Award 2009:

JobCentre Plus

For being 16 days behind processing my new dole scum claim which means I have to spend most of the time I'm meant to be out looking for a job on the phone to my bank and various creditors asking for yet another bloody favour. These are phonecalls I can barely afford. Well, I can't afford them, full stop. There has been talk recently along various corridors of power regarding the usefulness of most civil servants. I have been a civil servant. For 5 months when I first arrived in Crewe I was a lowly bottom rung doormat at the Department of Cow Counting and Field Sizes. My experience of the civil service staff is that Clerical Assistants and Clerical Officers (wet doormats and dry doormats) do all the work. Anyone above that grade is allowed to arse about all day booking their time off, counting out how much sick they're due, taking time off sick, being off long-term sick, on union business, on a course about computers, on a course about filling out the new absentee forms or flexitime timesheets or on maternity leave. The bloke in the office at the end of the corridor is left banging his head on his desk in desperation. It wouldn't be a woman, she'd have to leave early to pick the kids up and have to make up the time after everyone's gone home.

That Nice Mr Obama Shining Light New Deal Until It All Goes Horribly Wrong Award 2009:

My car insurers, Hastings Direct


my bank, First Direct

For understanding plight outlined in above and not quibbling one iota or insisting I fill out reams of forms or sell my body or suggesting, as one arsehole once did, "Can't you borrow it from your parents?". Oh and for trusting me. Also for having call centres in this country staffed by people who speak English and who know what I'm talking about.

4 Vegetable peelings:

Blogger The Birdwatcher said...

And spending their time taking implementing the synergies that flow from merging cow counting with the department for bulls testicles. In other words getting rid of more clerical staff.

Can we have a revolution soon please? Of course silly me it would only rain and everyone would stay at home.

10:39 pm  
Blogger Ian said...

My brief experience as a civil servant dovetails with yours. My experience with banks is the opposite of yours because, as far as I can tell, the poor buggers working in their call centres are in the same straits as the clerical assistants and clerical officers of the civil service.

11:08 pm  
Blogger Dave said...

I have a familial interest in item one, so shall not speak.

Glad for the light in your tunnel on number two though.

8:41 am  
Blogger Richard said...

Dave, I speak only from personal experience but obviously do not wish to tar everyone with the same brush. That would be classed as voluntary work and I would probably have benefits deducted.

12:20 pm  

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