George Bush Complete and Utter Tosser and Waste of Space of the Year Award 2009:
For being 16 days behind processing my new dole scum claim which means I have to spend most of the time I'm meant to be out looking for a job on the phone to my bank and various creditors asking for yet another bloody favour. These are phonecalls I can barely afford. Well, I can't afford them, full stop. There has been talk recently along various corridors of power regarding the usefulness of most civil servants. I have been a civil servant. For 5 months when I first arrived in Crewe I was a lowly bottom rung doormat at the Department of Cow Counting and Field Sizes. My experience of the civil service staff is that Clerical Assistants and Clerical Officers (wet doormats and dry doormats) do all the work. Anyone above that grade is allowed to arse about all day booking their time off, counting out how much sick they're due, taking time off sick, being off long-term sick, on union business, on a course about computers, on a course about filling out the new absentee forms or flexitime timesheets or on maternity leave. The bloke in the office at the end of the corridor is left banging his head on his desk in desperation. It wouldn't be a woman, she'd have to leave early to pick the kids up and have to make up the time after everyone's gone home.
That Nice Mr Obama Shining Light New Deal Until It All Goes Horribly Wrong Award 2009:
My car insurers, Hastings Direct
my bank, First Direct
For understanding plight outlined in above and not quibbling one iota or insisting I fill out reams of forms or sell my body or suggesting, as one arsehole once did, "Can't you borrow it from your parents?". Oh and for trusting me. Also for having call centres in this country staffed by people who speak English and who know what I'm talking about.