Friday, January 09, 2009
Yesterday I completed the process of removing myself from the ranks of the caring community. I am now officially Dole Scum. Thank you, taxpayers, in advance, for your increasing patience with my efforts at finding employment here in the sun-bleached tropical paradise that is Crewe. I promise not to waste any of the exchequer's contributions to my welfare on cigarettes, standing around in Betfred all afternoon, cheap sportswear, ready meals, kebabs or cheap narcotics. I warn you, I may, on occasion, reward my job-seeking efforts with one of Mr Wetherspoon's 99p refreshments although these will have to be strictly rationed, dole scum being assessed as having only 3/4 of the needs of someone claiming carer's allowance and income support. Apparently the food, water, petrol and energy we require in order to function is cheaper than anyone else's. Can someone inform the chancellor, we may be onto something.