Tuesday, December 16, 2008

This time next year...

As regular readers of this journal you will be aware that I am not among the wealthiest 99.9% of this great country's population. I am not even among the wealthiest 99.9% of Crewe's population and that's going some. However, I have a plan. I have set it out in the following letter:

Dear City Type,

I've got a cast iron system for making you loads of wedge. This is kosher, straight up. Honest, it really is. I realise that you've been kippered recently by some so-called financial experts and are probably a bit wary but you really can't go wrong with this one. Trust me.

Magic Beans. Easy - can't believe you haven't thought of it before. Anyway, I have some of these big boys and they're yours for a small consideration. Plant these, wait a few months and they'll give you a harvest of pure, 100% money. What's more, I have an inexhaustable supply of them. Send me a very large Jiffy bag full of £50 notes and I'll send you a bag of magic beans by return. This is the opportunity of a lifetime Would I lie to you? I've got an MBA! Look, I'll tell you what, send me the money now and I'll even plant them myself on my own allotment - saves you the bother. I'll send you the money when it's ready.

Look forward to hearing from you,

Honest Dick MBA,
PO Box 231
Crewe.

7 Vegetable peelings:

Blogger Rol said...

Remember me when you're a millionaire.

10:09 am  
Blogger Richard said...

Rol, let me have your bank details and passwords and I'll transfer your cut in as soon as. You can trust me.

10:55 am  
Blogger Sharon J said...

Could you plant some in my garden please? I'll give you my jar of Euros.

12:58 pm  
Blogger Dave said...

Cheques in the post.

3:31 pm  
Anonymous Steve Dix said...

ISTR that such "bargains" usually end up with a rather large "gentleman" who is rather indisposed to inhabitants of the Sceptred Isle.

No, I don't mean a Russian Debt-collection service.

9:45 am  
Blogger delcatto said...

Change that to "a large jiffy bag of Euro's" as the humble quid is currently in the nosedive position and you are on to a winner.

9:37 pm  
Blogger Richard said...

delcatto - I don't think so. I changed 30 euros back on Monday and that twee Mr Crozier at the Post Office only gave me £24 for them, the tight sod.

3:50 pm  

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