Don't ask me.

I have been having some curious dreams of late, some of them far too unusual to relate with any kind of accuracy, however one or two have stuck in the memory. For instance, last night I appeared to witness a kind of trial in a foreign country, held in the open air in the town's cobbled main square. I know not what or whom was being tried but it was being held before the town clerk, a prodigiously red bearded gentleman of indeterminate age, who was carried out seated behind a desk covered in a white table-cloth. Stood behind him, were several black suited bespectacled attendants. There was some kind of mumbled preamble in a language I could not fathom during which the bearded gentleman suddenly raised his hand and said "Smokk" (while writing this it has suddenly occurred to me that I was listening to 5Live yesterday interviewing "Big Phil" Scolari and Rafa Benitez. Their stilted delivery was maybe the stimulus for this). He then proceeded to light the curious pen-shaped affair he was holding and draw on it while muttering approving noises, as were the attendant sycophants behind him. He then fell asleep. End of trial. I turned away to see the writ laying on the ground.

Later, I went out into my garden to find not one but three unicyles laying on the path. I picked up one and it was about 6 feet in height. It folded out into a large scooter.

Your honour, I swear I've not touched a drop.