Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Tidying Up

Ok, maybe I was a bit previous. Barring Chelsea's squad suddenly all contracting ebola virus and Man U winning their 3 final games 6-0 each, I was wrong. So, congrats to Chelsea for cheating another championship. Ooh. Did I say cheat?

Just what was Robben doing? I turned on Match of the Day during the game to immediately see him cartwheeling across the box clutching his shins as if he'd been taken out by a sniper's bullet. The replay showed nothing near his shins at all so isn't it about time the referee can call for a video replay to judge whether a player is going for a six-pointer or not? Also when a player goes down like that he's obviously in such agony that he ought to be removed from the field of play for 5 minutes to seek treatment. I know they unsuccessfully tried it a few years back that whenever a player went down complaining of an injury he had to be stretchered off, so maybe a compulsory scan would be in order now with the cost deducted from his agent's fees. And yes, I'm well aware that United too have a Dutchman who can go down flailing like the best of them but Alex has him on a tight leash at the moment whereas Mourinho seems to positively encourage er...cheating. And what was with him appearing late in the second half? Walk into one of Drogba's farts in the tunnel and had to be resuscitated?

Also, how come my other half, who professes to know nothing of our inferior national sport whatsoever, was able to tell me the other day exactly who Jose Mourinho was? This is so very wrong. There's something going on, I'm sure.


This has to be one of the best search results so far. I beat off 33,900 others on google.co.uk to win "soft furnishings chinese scatter cushions poetry" with this. I can get most of it...but poetry? Why? Answers carved on to grains of rice and sent to Jose Mourinho, please.


Meme. Never done one, don't even know how to pronounce it but I found one today c/o Dawn that is nice and easy. All it involves is searching your birthdate in Wikipedia (just the date, not the year) and writing down three interesting facts, two births and one death from that date. Dead simple and totally unthreatening.

Mine are:

1853 - A dinner party is held inside a life-size model of an Iguanodon created by Benjamin Waterhouse Hawkins and Sir Richard Owen in south London. Those would be the ones in Crystal Palace Park
, then.

1879 - Pirates of Penzance first performed. In Paignton.

1922 - Union of Soviet Socialist Republics formed

1975 - Tiger Woods
. Plays golf. Slippy of tongue though.
1928 - Bo Diddley
. The Originator and top cool bloke.

1970 - Sonny Liston
. Bish bash bosh. Stung twice by The Greatest. Felled by drugs/and or bad men aged 38.

What the search did reveal was that something I'd believed for the last 15 years or so, that I shared an exact birthday with Aussie beer legend David Boon
was wrong. He is actually a day older than me. So that would explain everything.

45 Vegetable peelings:

Blogger Vicus Scurra said...

Some remedies for Chelsea and the others, all of whom could learn alot from how rugby is played.
1) Retrospective panel to investigate diving. Those found guilty given 6 match ban and fine of 6 weeks wages.
2) Application of sin bin for yellow cards.
3) Any player remonstrating with an official (other than polite enquiry) to be fined one week's wages for each offence.
I am sorry to post something without any attempt at humour, but I am sure Tom will be over later to give us all a laugh.

8:36 am  
Blogger Richard Seamon said...

You beat me to it. Halfway down it dawned on me that this was serious and I had to have a lie down.

9:51 am  
Blogger Geoff said...

Whenever Chelsea play they should be forced to have the other team's substitutes...and vice versa.

Would do the meme myself but I already know I share my birthday with Jim Davidson. Beat that!

12:47 pm  
Blogger orange said...

Did Robben run after the referee,shouting and screaming that he was fouled and wants a penalty?Did any other players run to the ref remonstrating?Did any Everton players complain?Everton manager? No.
When you are a prime athlete like Robben and you are running 100 metres in 11 seconds, a tackle,a nudge can sometimes make a player fall to the ground.
How can you judge how much pain someone has received,how much a tackle may have hurt,unless you are on the receiving end?
Yep Chelsea have cheated in all of their 35 games so far this season,and no-one else cheats.

Well done to Jose Mourinho,looks like two seasons in charge and two titles,with a managerial record in English Premiership that reads so far
Plyd Won Drew Lost F A Points
73 57 12 4 141 35 183

Keep on cheating Jose.

Congratulations to Crewe Alexandra on their relegation this season, Dario for England manager?

3:26 pm  
Blogger Vicus Scurra said...

See what happens when you get serious Richard? You attract people who take soccer seriously.
Quick, do a few knob jokes.

4:03 pm  
Blogger orange said...

Said from someone who knows the laws of wrestling, sorry I mean rugby.

4:55 pm  
Blogger orange said...

I won't take this too seriously as I'm worried about soccer, what is it anyway,is it catching?It's not a new bird flu virus.Don't tell me or I may get as depressed as someone who feels the need to watch cricket.
Calling cricket a sport, now that would be going too far.

5:23 pm  
Blogger Richard Seamon said...

I suppose I just object to players rolling around like they've just had an axe blow to their shins and clutching their shins in absolute agony then getting up and carrying on as soon as they've won a free kick or got the offending player, who in most cases hasn't put a lace, let alone a stud, anywhere near his opponent's polycarbonate protected shin, booked or sent off. Replays repeatedly bear this out. That, in my book is cheating. You see, I was brought up playing cricket and because of the way in which the game is played has lent its name to the idiom "it's not cricket". Heaven forbid what "it's not football" would mean.

The irony is, Robben plays for the same team that once boasted Ron Harris as its enforcer. Getting one in the shins from him must have been nearly as painful as getting one on the box from Dennis Lillee.

Shame about Crewe, I feel sorry for their fans. As I've only lived here for 4 years I don't think I could count myself amongst them.

8:03 pm  
Blogger Richard Seamon said...

Geoff, I've checked and it would appear you also share a birthday with Jeff "Skunk" Baxter of Steely Dan and also Ted Nugent. Now if memory serves me correctly, both these characters share much the same outlook as the Beast of Kidbrooke. Strange. I've checked Sharon's birthday and she shares it with, according to the Byzantines, the Earth. Which is nice.

9:01 pm  
Blogger orange said...

I suppose it's not cricket when Hansie Cronje shamed himself and corrupted the game when he was given a life ban for his involvement in bribery and match fixing.The irony is, he has earned himself a tidy sum of money from revealing his dishonesty through journalism and broadcasting.
Shane Warne, a womaniser,a drugs cheat and another gentleman supplying information to Indian bookmakers.
Geoff Boycott, a fine ambassador for the game by dragging the morals of cricket and the nation into the gutter by having to stand trail on foreign soil.

Then there's Pablo Escobar's
henchmen, Mr's Botham and Tufnell running up to the crease, super-
skunked up out of their brains.

Gatting's farce, remonstrating with the lovely Shakoor Rana,and sacking for enticing a 'barmaid' back to his love dungeon.He even turned Queen's traitor to embark on rebel tour of South Africa.
Shahid Afrid's cheating,not once but twice,cost him a ban.
Ricky Ponting and others trying to cheat by using illegals bats.

There is even serious crowd disorder and violence at cricket matches.Violence is not wanted.

There is also evidence of racism in cricket.

The only man I can think of right now who is more despicable than the cricket louts is Rupert Murdoch. A case for bringing back capital punishment should heard in the commons.

Well good luck to Arsenal in europe, I hope the club who play without any Englishmen in their team, will do England proud and
can continue their progress after beating Real Madrid before,and iroinically, Real Madrid had two English players and Arse had none.
Arsenal's new stadium should be moved to Brussels and their club crest should be replaced by the european union logo.

12:55 pm  
Blogger Richard Seamon said...

I think Hansie Cronje paid the ultimate price.


No sport is without its cheats but cricket and rugby do more than most to root out those who do it blatantly and of course, no footballer has even heard of the Priory or ever felt the need to talc the inside of his nostrils with Peruvian snuff. "Cricketer's Wives" would be an even more crap programme:
"Where did you get the ham for those sandwiches, Linda?"

"Waitrose, love. Special offer so I could afford butter instead of Stork this week. The boys will be pleased, won't they"

"Lovely. I see there's a new hairdresser opened in the High Street."

But I would still rather take the first left out of Old Trafford metro stop rather than left at the lights, as I did last year on the "£10 to see a whole day's brilliant entertainment amongst some dead friendly Aussies" day last year. That was £10 for a whole day and able to take the piss out of the 140 opposition fans sitting behind me without any fear of them knifing me, throwing stones at me or pissing in my pocket even though they were all slightly emotional.

I agree wholeheartedly with your comments on the slug Murdoch. Anybody who buys Sky just makes matters worse, as Jed would say.

2:07 pm  
Blogger orange said...

You are correct,I just hope that cricket does not go the way that football has gone,as I feel cricket has gone a little too commercial for me.I mean take Michael Vaughan is instance, when was the last time he played a proper game of cricket, a five-day match for Yorks?A little loss of form and injuries hasn't helped him but with so many money making tests,one dayers,20-20,I see the standard of cricket going down hill slightly.

What I admire a great deal about cricket is it a leveller, doesn't matter what colour etc you are, you can still play in the right spirit.Remember back in the days when there were race riots going on but cricket was a sport that rid the racism and everyone played on an equal level.

But with that said, I hope that the players continue to play and conduct themselves as gentlemen and do not become like some of the over- paid,pampered,loutish,cheating and over-rated footballers that have damaged football.
There are some honest and decent footballers around still,and the media are not exactly helpful or are the people in the F.A., and you can imagine what FA stands for, but why can't they conduct themselves more to the way Bobby Moore did, a true gentleman,a model professional.

At the end of the day, it is only sport,so sport should be played fairly,and why not play to win and enjoy but there are more important issues in the world.
For instance, where is my dinner?

5:16 pm  
Blogger Richard Seamon said...


I too find it mildly disconcerting when I see a cricketer marked down as "great" after he's only scored 5000 career runs or taken 100 wickets, and most of those in tests. When I used to go and watch Kent as a kid it was one the greatest teams anywhere, ever. Luckhurst Cowdrey, Asif, Knott, Ealham, Shepherd, Julien and Underwood in the same bloody team!! and the players went back to the county a day after the test finished because they had a job to do.

I do feel we have a proper Corinthian type in Flintoff. As long as he doesn't crock himself he's got another 10 years.

6:18 pm  
Blogger tom909 said...

Yes, gone are the days when the batsman would 'walk', gone are the days when the opposing team congratulated you on your wonderful goal. 'May the best man win', and 'Jolly well done old boy' are no longer part of our once noble culture.
So when did it all start to go so wrong. When did man actually evolve into the evil bastard that he now is? And sadly, when did those halcyon days of yesteryear become no more than a very distant memory.
Rose coloured spectacles!

11:31 am  
Blogger Sharon J said...

Oh dear. Too much football talk here for me. How come I know who Jose Mourinho is? I'd have thought that was pretty obvious. He's Portugese, has rugged, dark looks and smouldering eyes. Definitely hero material.

12:08 pm  
Blogger orange said...

I think a lot has to do with society today as there are horrible little trolls roaming,vandalizing,terrorizing,spitting, drinking alcohol to excess and they have no respect for themselves or other decent folk.
The culture seems to be to behave as obnoxiously as possible because theirs no policemen or fathers around to give them a slap.

With sports people, I feel that they get paid an absurd amount of money and no longer play the sports for the love of it. It is a business attitude and not one of a sporting moral anymore.
I wouldn't mind so much if these sports persons were one of the greats at the game but most are not even that good and average at best.
An example is Rooney, he's good so far in his short career, but he's being touted as great.George Best,Bobby Moore are the sort of players that I would call greats and there are many others. I can't see how Rooney's name can be, at this moment, mentioned alongside these two.

When I was a youngster, one match I played on the local park, my father came to watch and during the game the referee gave a corner and I knew the ball came off the opposition player and I argued with the referee that he was wrong. At half time, my father threw my orange into the nearby horse paddock,drank my water and berated me for the whole half time that the ref's decision is final. I never complained to a referee ever again.

Now that Murdoch has got his slimy talons on the cricket rights,and the increase of money making matches, I fear this will lower the standards and unwritten laws of the sport.
Okay, there are more important things to think about in life like my local has run out of bitter and I don't like lager much.

12:24 pm  
Blogger Vicus Scurra said...

Tom, all that build up, and you failed to blame the Beatles.

12:41 pm  
Blogger Richard Seamon said...

Tom must have taken his ritalin this morning.

Ossie, this has been good practice, now go and start your own blog because I can't afford too many people agreeing with me because it's the equivalent of radio dead air.

Partner, if your heroines swoon before a man who communicates his cod psychology in a deeply soporific and monotonous drone then he's your man.

I have been party to some cricket gamesmanship. While fielding at silly point I watched the batsman drive the ball liesurely into the ample midriff of short mid-on and then walk. We had all seen the ball hit the ground rather noticeably half-way between bat and gut but failed to call the man back although we didn't exactly run around congratulating Bruce who'd made the stop either. It was one of those "what's all that about then?" moments when nobody was quite sure about what to do. We won.

1:00 pm  
Blogger tom909 said...

Rugged, good looks with smouldering eyes - I might be in here!

1:26 pm  
Blogger orange said...

Okie-dokie Richard, it's been a pleasure to talk with you,I'm sure it hasn't for you, and I'm pleased you haven't taking my ridiculous rants too seriously,as they were mean't as tongue in cheek type of humour, granted, not very funny though mind.

I'll leave you in peace with a smile on my face as I remember my father frog marching me past my grinning opponents stares,feeling humiliated and half way down the sideline on that cold, rainy Sunday morning in my youth, to apologise rather sheepishly and red-faced to the referee and then sulking back to my giggling team mates.
Au revoir, or as Del Trotter might say, bonjour.

1:31 pm  
Blogger Richard Seamon said...

Ossie, you're more than welcome to stay. At the moment we've only got Tom to argue with so some variety would be welcome. He appears to be after my bird too, so he needs sorting...

3:24 pm  
Blogger orange said...

Thanks Richard, and there's me thinking you were telling me to blog off.

4:02 pm  
Blogger tom909 said...

I'm so sorry Richard, I had no idea that she was 'your bird'. I just presumed as she has the hots for Jose she was fair game.
This thread was doomed the minute Vicus had one of his unusual 'serious moments'. I can't begin to take on two (or even three with Vicus), serious old farts discussing the decline and fall of western civilisation.
God, I'll be relieved when Satyuga finally arrives.

4:52 pm  
Blogger Vicus Scurra said...

Tom. Not only is she 'his bird' (what an unsavoury expression that is), but my cousin. OK, fifth cousin once removed, but near enough to share some DNA in fairly substantial dollops. Should you ever get together, I will be the first to welcome you to my family.
And, for you information, 'smouldering' does not mean 'dilated pupils, astigmatic as a result of over-indulgence in self-abuse and one eye 3 centimetres higher than the other'.

9:21 pm  
Blogger Richard Seamon said...

It's the only language she understands. Apart from Norwegian and I don't do that.

I don't believe she has "the hots" for the swarthy Iberian, she has other plans for him.

9:36 pm  
Blogger Cherrypie said...

You Bastard! I was going to use that idea on my birthday next week and now you've gone and ruined it!

NB to self - these people are not really your friends even if they have read the same shit blogs as you and still not died of boredom - no offense meant. Sorry for disturbing you. Please carry on as you were. No need to adjust your trousers, Mr Gamon

NNB TS - read better blogs

NNNB TS- Get Out More You Sad Almost Middle Aged Cow!

11:36 pm  
Blogger Richard Seamon said...

I can only apologise to Cherry Pie for apparently plagiarising something she hadn't done yet. I admit to a certain sympathy as every time I think of a good yarn that bastard Steven King has got there before me.

11:55 pm  
Blogger orange said...

Hey Tom, as a staunch believer in Heenam Naashaayati iti Hinduhu, I feel it's needed,living in these times, to practice in the realms of Durguna.

9:22 am  
Blogger orange said...

Also,living in these times I feel the following are also needed,
1 Lamb bhuna,Chicken jalfrezi,saag aloo,Keema nan,mushroom bhaji,pilau rice and a case of London Pride, just to be on the safe side.

3:24 pm  
Blogger Vicus Scurra said...

And another thing Tom, you might be yearning for Satyuga, but I'm not. A few thousand years of love, peace and enlightenment? I'm not changing my blog title for that load of bollocks.

4:28 pm  
Blogger Richard Seamon said...

I've just had a chicken tikka out of a jar, does that count? It was nice, especially with half a tub of double cream in.

7:28 pm  
Blogger tom909 said...

I'm sorry Richard, chicken tikka out of a jar is, in my book, nothing short of blasphemy as far as food is concerned. Bad for the chicken, bad for your body and bad for the planet. It certainly will not do!

7:06 pm  
Blogger Richard Seamon said...

Tom, I feel exactly the same about BMWs.

12:36 am  
Blogger orange said...

Today is roast beef,roasted spuds parsnips etc for me, in celebration of St George's Day, England's day.
Happy St George's Day to all those patriotic English people.
Open your eyes, to all the unpatriotic,miserable English people.

And another case of London Pride,for medicinal purposes of course.

1:59 pm  
Blogger orange said...

" There is a forgotten,nay almost forbidden word,which means more to me than other.
That word is England".

-Sir Winston Churchill

4:49 pm  
Blogger Sharon J said...

Can we have something other than football soon, please?

5:15 pm  
Blogger orange said...

Richard, a day to be proud of your country and it's history,afterall your namesake The Lion Heart adopted St George's flag in the 12th century.

'There is a forgotten,nay almost forbidden word,which means more to me than any other.That word is England'.
Sir Winston Churchill

Or is it time to rent Gandhi from Blockbuster.

5:28 pm  
Blogger Richard Seamon said...

Congratulations to Hammers for reaching the Cup Final. It was due to be the first cup final at the new Wembley - who was in the first one at the old one in 1923? (And lost).

Ossie, while I am English and still believe this country to possess certain characteristics not found eleswhere on the planet I find it hard to associate myself with the cross of St George on many levels. First off I'm an atheist so anything that smacks of a religious celebration, and St George's Day is an avowedly religious celebration, is largely meaningless to me.

Secondly, Richard, Coeur de Lion hardly spent any time in the country, despite being well liked. He was off smacking Saracens about and getting caught up in all kinds of fundamentalist religious fervour stuff which is not really what we should be about. 800 years and we realy haven't come very far.

Thirdly, while I appreciate that The St George's cross is our national flag I hate the connotations associated with it. It's going to be very hard to reclaim it from the massed hordes of lager swilling fat bald wankers who will shortly be trooping across the channel for their jollies.

Finally, the child molester (he's fat and has piggy eyes so he must be) Nick Griffin and his vile "political" party have also hijacked the flag. Until he and his ilk have been wiped from the face of the earth I feel I cannot wear my own particular brand of patrotism anywhere near my sleeve.

Happy birthday William Shakespeare

5:50 pm  
Blogger Geoff said...

I'll accept the congratulations, Richard, on behalf of my team.

Did you know you share a name with another one of my birthday sharers (and a great Englishman/Cockernee himself)? - Mr Van Dyke.

12:53 pm  
Blogger orange said...

Good luck to the Irons in May.

Richard, best wishes as you practice your religion, atheism.
While I'm an atheist too, I still feel the need to have a day that is set aside as England's Day, to remember all good things English,not religious, like errmmm,the good pork pies and ales.
The cross of St George doesn't do much for me either,maybe the Coat of Arms,three lions, again Richard The Lionheart's doing, would be better for me.

But saying that,just a thought, do you and your lovely other half not celebrate St Valentine's Day, maybe a card,flowers,a meal,puke-puke,an early night maybe?
I bet you never went out on the lash in the Garden of England, on New Years Eve or Christmas Eve, scoffed a few chocs at Easter.

And I'll wager that you have a silly superstition somewhere in your world.

So like it or not religion is here and sadly don't look like going away.

Happy birthday on the Lord's calender to Geoffrey Chaucer today.

12:46 pm  
Blogger Richard Seamon said...

I think we celebrated puke puke on St Valentine's Day (she'll understand that one).

I don't even practise atheism as it's not something I actually go out of my way to think about. Imagine meeting someone who has no concept of religion at all so, by inference has no knowledge of the lack of it either. That's how I prefer to think about it. People around me talk of their need for a faith, I don't have a need. I always think it a bit odd that some atheists describe themselves as humanist, as if deep down they're acknowledging the need to belong to some kind of creed. I don't even have that. Maybe I'm boring.

Sometimes I sing the songs because they're good and I like the buildings a great deal but I've experienced nothing fervent while in a church.

As for superstitions, I don't like walking under ladders but that's the power of suggestion for you. By the same token, I tug my forelock and speak to magpies but I see this as ore routine than warding off doom and woe.

5:56 pm  
Blogger Richard Seamon said...

I also have to go back and correct very obvious spelling mistakes in comments boxes by making another post, lest people think I'm a completely ill-educated tosser.

"more routine"

6:00 pm  
Blogger orange said...

So I can take it you're more of a The Life Of Brian fellow than JC Nazareth fan then.
Well, always look on the bright side of life, I'm out tonight with my good friend Mr.C.Ross Dresser at our communal group,Tranvestism, where our leader Nick A.Lace will be giving a reading on many issues.

2:04 pm  
Blogger orange said...

Well I had a fine evening until I got home and found my wife had banished me to the spare bedroom because of my sin of using Revlon mascara instead of her favourite, Estee Lauder.She said it gives a more conditioned and defined eye lash.
Shit, I seriously need to get some help or sleep or maybe a Browning BPS 10 gauge will do.

9:57 am  
Blogger orange said...

Well I've killed this blog, so I may aswell use the Browning,I'm playing a song by The Doors, The End,so mellow

10:22 am  

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