Monday, October 05, 2009

Hey, mum, it's the...


Dear Cheshire East Council,

I currently have 4 waste bins. This is something I do not really object to, I am all in favour of recycling where possible. I do not object to this even though I live in a VERY SMALL HOUSE. With a VERY SMALL GARDEN. I am lucky in that I have a drive and can line 3 bins up outside my door and still have enough room to park my car on it. I even have enough room to wheel the garden waste bin out of the garden, round the front of my car and between my car and the festering wreck of a Corsa sitting on my neighbour's drive, sometimes even without knocking her wing-mirror out of its socket. Every Monday evening, come rain or shine, I wheel one (or even two if I've filled the silver one with cardboard and tins) of them to the end of my drive, a distance of some 20 feet. I make sure that there is nothing in the wrong bin because I don't wish to receive a fine. I make sure that the lids are tightly shut because I know you won't collect them if they're even a tiny bit open. As I live on my own and create very little rubbish this generally isn't a problem unless next door's sk8terboi emo-cretin son has dumped another load of takeaway cartons on me. I make sure the bins are positioned on the edge of my property as instructed. In fact as repeatedly instructed. You even go to the lengths of printing a newspaper twice a year instructing us how to fill and position our bins correctly so your staff don't have to do too much heavy work. I mean, god forbid they should actually have to lift anything like in the olden days. I don't even put my silver bin out until it's full because I can't see the logic in using energy to mechanically lift a heavy bin onto the back of a lorry just to empty out a couple of baked bean tins, a milk carton and a pizza box. I save you time, money and energy. Thinking, thinking thinking all the time, me. Considerate, ain't I.

So, with all this in mind, would it be beyond the bounds of reasonable possibility to expect the crews visiting my house to at least repay the favour once in a while by actually leaving my bin exactly where I left it and not in a group of half a dozen 15 yards down the street in the middle of the sodding pavement thereby forcing the endless stream of passing teenage mothers to dodge into the road with their twin prams. A manoeuvre difficult enough to execute at the best of times but nigh on impossible if you're texting and listening to your iPod at the same time.

How bloody difficult is it to do a job properly?

Yours etc,

5 Vegetable peelings:

Blogger Vicus Scurra said...

I see someone asking to have rubbish tipped through his letter box.

10:23 pm  
Blogger Richard said...

No, no, no. That would involve lifting.

9:41 am  
Blogger Malc said...

Piggin' hell! And the binmen of old (TV versions at least) had a strong regard for Colin Bell-era Man City. Bet today's lot are all United.

9:32 pm  
Blogger Richard said...

Malc, someone who remembers it! I could remember the late Graham Haberfield being in it(and his Colin Bell fixation)but couldn't remember anyone else. I suspect that it would be a lot funnier now than it was back then for an 8 year-old. Never realised it was Jack Rosenthal creation either.

10:42 am  
Anonymous MarkG said...

Can't speak for your lot, but it's not the binmen's fault. It's the cretins who decided it was more efficient to 'incentivise' them to finish their rounds in double quick time. Presumably so each team can fit in a few more streets thereby reducing the number of teams they actually have to employ.

10:52 am  

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