I am stressed. It must be cyclic or at least an annual thing. Last year when I started this journal I was stressed to the point where I was taking beta blockers to regulate my thumping heartbeat in order to get a decent night's sleep. I don't take the drugs anymore, I've sort of got used to 4-6 hours sleep a night and now my heart only pounds when I get super-fatigued.
Luckily I can identify the reason for my stress. It's something to do with my income not matching expenditure and requiring the odd 20 grand or so sort out the debts I accumulated a few years back when I had to give up full time employment after Sharon took ill. Factors largely outside my control. Trying to work my way out of debt isn't easy but I'm determined to because I hate the idea of being a burden on anyone. Unlike some.
I know of a couple of people who, over the past few years, have deliberately run up debts of £50,000 or so and then just recently walked away from them. Deliberately ran up debts. On purpose. One of them through operating credit cards while on state benefits; the other because, well I don't really know why, wsuffice to say it looks like it's just as cynical. I hate them. I abhor the attitude of these witless bastards, expecting others to make good after them. The former has already accumulated another set of credit cards and is busy running up a new debt which he fully expects to be serviced by the state or at least in part by everyone else paying inflated APR. Yet he'll be the first c4nt in the queue to complain when he can't get a benefit paid. He's an alcoholic who drives his children around in his Motability car (paid for with state mobility allowance) while pissed. His son is a teenager yet can't even use a knife and fork, a fact his mother blames on his left handedness, not the fact that she was probably too pissed to bother teaching him (it was pointed out to her that Sharon's son, Paul, is quite able to use a knife and fork despite also being left handed and having some quite severe mental impairments). Get this. He's 65 next year and suddenly realised he was going to lose out but because his wife is still just about of child bearing age, he seriously considered having another kid just to get child allowance. It's like something out of a Carla Lane sit com. I didn't laugh at them either (except Butterflies, which wasn't set in the 'Pool so had a head start).
I won't even bother with the other one but it's just as bad in its own way because of the way the system is being worked.
I despair. I really do. I despair even more when I read of this kind of crap. I just don't know what stress is obviously.