A Mug's Game

I do apologise for not updating this journal recently, I have been very, very busy up here in the Pearl of the North-West. So busy in fact, that I have, on occasion, had to sit down and have a rest and watch the football. Or the tennis. Or the cricket highlights. And the motor racing. Unlike some, I have to make my own tea and meals so at least I have been exercising and still present a trim fifteen and a half stone. I suspect I will have to give the television back soon because it's not mine. I plan to do this after the golf and the rest of the cricket.

Anyway. There doesn't appear to be much else going on in the world at the moment. There's a man running around shooting people and threatening the law enforcement agencies in the north-east of the country prompting the locals to live in fear because a lot more men with guns, the fugitive's original avowed targets, remember, are now flooding their neighbourhood, escorting schoolchildren and old ladies collecting their pensions etc. thereby making them in turn targets. Rothbury is now sending a twinning committee to Sangin.

Elsewhere, I have been investing for my future. I have been enlisting the help of Maureen, the clairvoyant spider currently living in the corner of the ceiling above my front door. For the past fortnight I have been offering her a choice of specially labelled flies and this morning I dropped into Ladbrookes with my piggy bank and the following list:

Stephen Hawking to win Open Golf Championship.
Her Majesty The Queen to ride next year's Grand National winner.
Wayne Rooney to be Home Secretary next year
Guernsey to launch manned mission to Mars by 2015
Vince Cable and Cheryl Cole to marry

They refused to offer me odds for Crewe Alex finishing in the top half of League 2 next season. They said they didn't want to give betting a bad name.

Toodle Pip!