Rubbish

Spotted outside Crewe Baths earlier today. If you're going to litter, dress it up a little.

I am going to be spending a few days darn sarf. I'm attending a funeral in Harlow tomorrow morning and have decided to take advantage of the location to nip across the river via my old place of employ (look out for me, Andy. Same old car) to visit the ancestral seat in Kent for a few days. It's the nearest I've come to a holiday since January 2007. If you work for the JobCentrePlus, I have told you already as I'm due to sign on Friday. I will be doing my job search via my mum's computer; I would hate for tax-payers' money to be wasted on a lazy, good-for-nothing ne'er do well. Heaven forbid.

I have been taking Sir Paul's advice and have been eating salads. I believe it is this action that has made it possible for me to slip, sylph-like, into a suit I last wore six years ago. It's a tight fit and after 4 hours in the car I'll be regretting it but I'm happy in that I've been doing my bit for the planet. Sir Paul can feel justifiably pleased at his initiative, maybe he can think of some more as his chauffer drives him between any one of his 17 houses, the national treasure. If you're on your way to Peasmarsh, Macca, pop in. Mum does a cracking cold collation. With cold potatoes and all the trimmings. I have encountered a slight problem though, I appear to be farting a lot because my body's not used to all the roughage. I suppose it's OK as long as I fart less than a cow.