John, waned.

Oh, bollocks. It just goes from bad to worse.

Irrascible, a bit curmodgeonly and latterly the possessor of a vocal style that could only be described as "challenging". And only one complete leg. But a sublime guitarist and lyricist and always an absolute top turn.

RIP

John Martyn

1948 - 2009

Oh, and also goodbye to Billy Powell, one of the remaining original members of Lynyrd Skynyrd and survivor of the plane crash that took Ronnie van Zandt and Steve Gaines in 1977. He's probably most familiar for the opening keyboard chords on Freebird.

300 points to anyone who gets the title.

Sad

The title of my last post seems sadly prophetic. It is a devastatingly sad day.

Really too upset to write any more.

RIP East Angular's Leading Canine Blogger.

Old dog.

So the various agencies and assorted do-gooders and other self-righteous shouty people are whining about the BBC not showing the appeal on behalf of the DEC for GAZA. But in the spirit of healthy debate and non-partisan news reporting, the BBC has been willing to publicise their own decision and the feedback to it on every single news bulletin across all news-carrying networks for the past day and a half, thereby guaranteeing absolute maximum exposure for the appeal whenever it's shown on the other networks.

Nice one.


Gaza crisis. Donate here.

Award Season

Time for me to get on the award bandwagon. Bring out your onions.

George Bush Complete and Utter Tosser and Waste of Space of the Year Award 2009:

JobCentre Plus

For being 16 days behind processing my new dole scum claim which means I have to spend most of the time I'm meant to be out looking for a job on the phone to my bank and various creditors asking for yet another bloody favour. These are phonecalls I can barely afford. Well, I can't afford them, full stop. There has been talk recently along various corridors of power regarding the usefulness of most civil servants. I have been a civil servant. For 5 months when I first arrived in Crewe I was a lowly bottom rung doormat at the Department of Cow Counting and Field Sizes. My experience of the civil service staff is that Clerical Assistants and Clerical Officers (wet doormats and dry doormats) do all the work. Anyone above that grade is allowed to arse about all day booking their time off, counting out how much sick they're due, taking time off sick, being off long-term sick, on union business, on a course about computers, on a course about filling out the new absentee forms or flexitime timesheets or on maternity leave. The bloke in the office at the end of the corridor is left banging his head on his desk in desperation. It wouldn't be a woman, she'd have to leave early to pick the kids up and have to make up the time after everyone's gone home.

That Nice Mr Obama Shining Light New Deal Until It All Goes Horribly Wrong Award 2009:

My car insurers, Hastings Direct

and

my bank, First Direct

For understanding plight outlined in above and not quibbling one iota or insisting I fill out reams of forms or sell my body or suggesting, as one arsehole once did, "Can't you borrow it from your parents?". Oh and for trusting me. Also for having call centres in this country staffed by people who speak English and who know what I'm talking about.

On being out on a limb

I have heard talk on the wireless and seen occasional mention in Her Majesty's Press that there is something going on somewhere else in the world today that is of potential global import. I believe it's on the telly but as I don't have a telly I will have to trust the other media. Apparently comedians the whole world over are gathering, AT THIS VERY MOMENT in Washington to mourn the passing of their material.

Also, it may be only be me that is this cynical but could the Isreali Army have possibly withdrawn from Gaza on account of suddenly realising that the most powerful voting lobby in the US might no longer be the Jewish one? Ponder.

Bonsai gardners in mole sex outrage*

I often weep at this government's demonstrations of its apparent complete misunderstanding of the trials that currently assail society and the planet and today's announcement is no exception. Sob . On the one hand they make capital out of having the most stringent carbon reduction targets and then go and give the green light to concreting over another swathe of West London in order to build another bloody runway, encouraging goodness knows what. Tourists, presumably as surely business is all done by the wireless interpipes now, isn't it? Wasn't that what it was meant to make easier apart from access to Russian granny pr0n? So, yes it's tourism. You can all travel to more remote destinations to gawp at how "poor" people (who were considerably more enriched before our arrival) live, encourage their "growth" and thereby just perpetuate the problem. At least you will be able to do it more quietly than you were able to before. I will remain steadfastly confused. You could go Scunthorpe, the exchange rate is better.

However, as is always the case in these situations, some self-serving prat provides the entertainment. In this case it's a resident of the village of Sipson, which will be flattened in the name of progress. Step forward local wife and mum, Tracey, who moved to Sipson for the improved quality of life. Yes, if I want to improve the quality of my life, I move within a few hundred yards of one of the world's busiest airports on the edge of one of the world's biggest cities where houseprices are considerably more expensive than say, a small rural town surrounded by fields and birdsong. She then goes on to say something so thoughtless, trite and inane that my immediate thought is to hi-jack a cement pump and start the project in her living room right now. It really only goes to prove that Londoners imagine this island begins and ends at the M25:

"We have been here for 12 years and all of a sudden Gordon Brown wants to change our way of living. For me, the only option now is to leave the country, maybe for New Zealand or Canada." Or Kabul.

Will you be flying?




*If you are a first time visitor, have read this far and are disappointed a) you are extremely perverted and need help and b) it worked.

Beeming

I admit, I do have a "thing" about BMW drivers. In this case, I can't help but first feel elated that their 30 grand plus pride and joy is somehow not functioning. I'm also glad that the AA appear to be doing their very best to remove this plague from our streets.

BMW Killer

Occasional visitor and my very good friend and ex-colleague from the world's busiest and most efficient tolled river crossing in Dartford, Andy, will know what happened here. Oh, how we'd laugh.

Pariah, careful.

Yesterday I completed the process of removing myself from the ranks of the caring community. I am now officially Dole Scum. Thank you, taxpayers, in advance, for your increasing patience with my efforts at finding employment here in the sun-bleached tropical paradise that is Crewe. I promise not to waste any of the exchequer's contributions to my welfare on cigarettes, standing around in Betfred all afternoon, cheap sportswear, ready meals, kebabs or cheap narcotics. I warn you, I may, on occasion, reward my job-seeking efforts with one of Mr Wetherspoon's 99p refreshments although these will have to be strictly rationed, dole scum being assessed as having only 3/4 of the needs of someone claiming carer's allowance and income support. Apparently the food, water, petrol and energy we require in order to function is cheaper than anyone else's. Can someone inform the chancellor, we may be onto something.

New Broom

Right, new year.

Any resolutions? Yes.

But I'm not telling you.